Myself

This year I decided to give myself the gift of a long trail run for my birthday. Honestly, I didn’t feel that great, it was long and not as well marked as I remembered. It was muddy and I was not sure footed. Lactic acid cramped in my quads around mile 4, while I was lost in the campground section looking for a map of how to get back on the Lakeside Trail. 

And yet, it was wonderful, I left proud and invigorated. 

I’ve always been the kind of person who’s comfortable with “pretty sure.” As in, I’m pretty sure I know the way. This was not my roommates’ favorite trait of mine in college, I can guarantee you that! As I was the one with a car, we got lost more times than I can count. But I also found us our way home every time, even in the wee morning hours in Cancun.  (And while I’m on the throw-back to spring break stream of consciousness, in senior year, I was also pretty sure my bracelet would be on the Ocean City beach when I lost it and then went back the next morning, and there it was.) 

I’m also pretty sure I have enough gas left in the tank to make it home, and have seen —- on that dial more times than I’m sure you care to know.  To further the analogy, on 12/22 (I ran a day early for logistical reasons), it felt like I hit —- around mile 4 when I was lost, but I strongly preferred to risk running out entirely and hitch hiking to my car, than to turning back. 

Also, I’m pretty sure you can’t hunt in a state park; which I questioned when I was lost, without any orange on, hearing gun shots by myself in the woods. I was guess you could say I was doubting myself, but I think that’s part of the fun.  Maybe I should wear orange all winter?

But, as is usually the case, I lucked out, and made it back to my car unscathed, and only a little more sure that I’ll probably be fine again next time, too. While I know this isn’t entirely a good thing, it’s part of how I am wired, which I’ve long since embraced. And, it was rather fun to take that trip down memory lane while I was gutting out the miles.  

Trail running is harder than road running and typically more beautiful too. Trees really add an extra bump to the runners high for me.  Sometimes the chaos of the kids makes me claustrophobic and running outside is a great antidote, trail running even better. 

Around my age people tend to start complaining about their bodies and especially with migraines and RA, I’m no exception. But, as cheesy as it may sound, I’ve been trying to practice some self love and be thankful for this body I’ve got. I know not everyone over 40, prior track star or not, can get in shape in a few months, run 4-6 miles with ease, or play on the ninja obstacles at their kids’ birthday party. If I’m honest, I’m afraid if I don’t appreciate my physical abilities now, they might not stick around for me in the decades to come. 

Running the whole Lakeside Trail (plus the “bonus” tour of the campground) at Gifford Pinchot State Park was a great gift to myself even though my legs didn’t feel great and it didn’t go as planned while I was there. 

Running has led to a huge improvement in my mental health over these last several months, one I’d known I’d been missing, but due to long duration of time (~8 years) since it had been a consistent part of my life, I’d forgotten/minimized just how valuable it was/is. 

I’m pretty sure this trail run was a great gift to myself using a gift of mine. Left me so tired, fulfilled, and thankful.